Weeks 3 - 8

Hi everyone!

Today my husband Matt spoke with a friend of his who lost a child some years ago. He shared some things that really touched our hearts and we would like to pass along to you.

He said that after losing their child, week numbers 3 – 8 were the darkest and most brutal times for them. This is just about when the incredible outpouring of love begins to diminish. Oh, you know that people still care – it’s just that life goes on. For everyone else. But not for them. The loneliness, isolation and despair can be overwhelming when the initial flurry of activity dies down.

It has now been four weeks since our precious Enzo went to be with Jesus. If the same thing goes for Todd and Kate as for our friends, this is right about the time we, as their loved ones and as a community, need to step up our efforts to be there for them. In their heads, they know we all still care, even if we had to return to normal life. But when you are walking a despairing road, logical thinking isn’t exactly balm for the soul. It’s kind words, encouraging notes, visits, cards, time spent together, listening, etc. that says we are still here, walking this road with them as best we can.

Whatever stage a grieving person is in, we do not have the power to pull them out. I do not suggest we try to “fix” anyone so they can move on. That is not our job. But we can buy a gift, send an email, do a kind service, drop a note in the mail, sit and talk, provide a good distraction for an afternoon. These are the things that will show we still care, even if life has had to resume for us. These are the things that will help them through the grief.

Matt asked his friend if, during this time, he wanted people to talk about their child or not. He said that the worst times were when people would ignore the fact that their child had just died. It was like an elephant in the room, but it was ALL he could think about. He said it helped tremendously to talk about it. I know what it’s like when you don’t know what to say. But what you say doesn’t have to be perfect. Don’t be afraid to bring it up – most likely they WANT to talk about him!

So, if you feel a nudge in your heart to do something for Todd and Kate, by all means, TAKE ACTION! J

Additionally, this is a beautiful song by Natalie Grant about God’s promise to us when “the sacred is torn from your life, but you survive.” This is the song HELD: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i-hJ87ApWtw&feature=related

Great Contacts!

We have received so many emails and contacts from people we don't know - people who were somehow touched by Enzo's life and death. Here are a few I would like to share for you all to be encouraged by!

A staff member at Harrison Hospital in Bremerton:

"i just wanted to tell you how much baby Enzo has touched my life, i was one of the staff with him when he went for his first CT when he arrived at Harrison, and i just wanted to say that i will never forget that night and how beautiful and peacefull looking he was and i was able to hold his hand for just a brief period time, i should have emailed sooner to give my condolences. i say a little prayer everytime i pass the balloons at the fred meyer intersection. i think this tragic accident will forever have brought a part of our communtiy together. "

Thank you dear lady for holding our sweet Enzo's hand in the last hours of his life! For taking care of him so sweetly when we were not there yet!!!

A 911 Operator:

"I am an Emergency Telecommunicator, basically a 911 operator/dispatcher. In fact I used to work in Kitsap County and know every one of the call takers and dispatchers, as well as a few responders that were involved with this horrific collision. I happened to be listening to my scanner that fateful night and heard the call go out. I immediately contacted my friends who were working to find out the specifics. 

For some reason, this call and the radio traffic gripped at my soul. I have taken and dispatched every emergency call imaginable, homicides-cardiac arrests-suicides-CPR....name it. I was even able to give instructions for child CPR that resulted in a "save". Again...for some reason, this one stuck out. I sincerely prayed for young Zo!! I have read every blog, article, snippet....everything. This young angel touched me! Because of this, I am determined as ever to be the BEST at what I do, that includes getting back to my police officer roots and getting on the streets to "protect and serve".........Thank You Enzo 

From the deepest depths of my heart...Thank you Zo!!

Again sorry for the loss....I have taken it as a lifting of my soul!"

Thank you so very much sir, for the great work that you do in the community! Yours is a tough job - thank you for being strong and a hero - and for saving lives!

Finally, from a pediatric nurse:

"I live in Louisiana. I am originally from Silverdale and a dear friend of mine shared your story and blog link on facebook. I am currently a nursing student and about to graduate. I have spent 2 semesters working in the PICU's down here and am hoping to work at Mary Bridge when I graduate. Your story really hit home for me and I prayed for Baby Enzo and your family. I have 3 small children myself and hearing stories like this is so difficult. Just before I heard of Baby Enzo's accident I had a patient, a 15 month old code and pass away. It was the first time I had experienced this and it was very difficult. I spent that night in tears, and struggled with my choice to pursue pediatric nursing. I had always felt that working with children was a calling and yet after the passing of my patient I wondered if I was making the right decision. When I read baby Enzo's story, I cried for him and your family. Your blogs however and Enzo inspired me. To have been able to be there for him and your family as a nurse would have been an honor. To read about the nurse who stopped to do CPR, made me realize that my actions as a nurse can change the life of someone as special as Enzo, even if it means giving his family 48 more hours. Your family is my prayers."

Dear nurse, you are right that your calling IS worthy - you could be a huge difference in a family's life! Thank you so much for writing to us and sharing your story.

If you would like to write us, please email us at InMemoryofEnzo@gmail.com. We respond to every email and so appreciate hearing from people – it helps us through our grief to know that lives are being touched through Enzo’s life and death.