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Hi everyone!
Today my husband Matt spoke with a friend of his who lost a child some years ago. He shared some things that really touched our hearts and we would like to pass along to you.
He said that after losing their child, week numbers 3 – 8 were the darkest and most brutal times for them. This is just about when the incredible outpouring of love begins to diminish. Oh, you know that people still care – it’s just that life goes on. For everyone else. But not for them. The loneliness, isolation and despair can be overwhelming when the initial flurry of activity dies down.
It has now been four weeks since our precious Enzo went to be with Jesus. If the same thing goes for Todd and Kate as for our friends, this is right about the time we, as their loved ones and as a community, need to step up our efforts to be there for them. In their heads, they know we all still care, even if we had to return to normal life. But when you are walking a despairing road, logical thinking isn’t exactly balm for the soul. It’s kind words, encouraging notes, visits, cards, time spent together, listening, etc. that says we are still here, walking this road with them as best we can.
Whatever stage a grieving person is in, we do not have the power to pull them out. I do not suggest we try to “fix” anyone so they can move on. That is not our job. But we can buy a gift, send an email, do a kind service, drop a note in the mail, sit and talk, provide a good distraction for an afternoon. These are the things that will show we still care, even if life has had to resume for us. These are the things that will help them through the grief.
Matt asked his friend if, during this time, he wanted people to talk about their child or not. He said that the worst times were when people would ignore the fact that their child had just died. It was like an elephant in the room, but it was ALL he could think about. He said it helped tremendously to talk about it. I know what it’s like when you don’t know what to say. But what you say doesn’t have to be perfect. Don’t be afraid to bring it up – most likely they WANT to talk about him!
So, if you feel a nudge in your heart to do something for Todd and Kate, by all means, TAKE ACTION! J
Additionally, this is a beautiful song by Natalie Grant about God’s promise to us when “the sacred is torn from your life, but you survive.” This is the song HELD: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i-hJ87ApWtw&feature=related
That is exactly right, about being around people who do everything they can to avoid talking about losing our Enzo. I WANT to talk about him. I talk to Kate and Dad about him all the time. It still hurts just as much, but it hurts more when people don't want to talk about it. I know this probably doesn't make sense, because how could my Nana arms still ache? It helps to be with my grandkids, as many as I can for as long as I can. Just to touch them and hold them. It doesn't substitute for Enzo, nothing will. But it helps me.
ReplyDeleteYes I agree with mom, Matt's friend and Melissa. We dont want people to ignore the fact that hes gone. I enjoy talking about him, infact when I talk to people, I talk about him the most. I brings me joy to talk about him. I miss him increadibly and yes times have gotten harder since everyone else has had to move on with their lives. I am very thankful that I do not have to return to work or school right away. So i have that time to mourn and to be with my family.
ReplyDeleteLast year, the 3 year old of my niece in-law went to heaven a few days after being diagnosed with H1N1. Her worst fear was that people would forget about Peter. She still loves people to talk about Peter and sweet memories of him. She can hardly wait to see him in heaven, but until then, Peter is always on her, her husband, their daughter and the extended family's minds! Some days are harder than others.
ReplyDeleteOur Pastor & his wife's son went to heaven last year. They wrote a book called "Have Heart, Bridging the gap between heaven & earth" (available on Amazon) and started a orphanage in Dominican Republic named after their son Josiah. They don't want people to forget Josiah.
What I have witnessed is parents and families need to not be given the message that they need to "move on".
My prayers are with your whole family and the precious community that are there to love and support you all. We rejoice with you for the life of sweet Enzo on earth as it is in heaven :)
I whole heartedly recommend the book "Have Heart" by Steve & Sarah Berger! It is incredible!!!
Love always,
Sunny
thinking of you all on this thanksgiving day.
ReplyDeleteare you still going to continue to update this? It has just been awhile so I was just wondering!
ReplyDelete