Warning: This will be a hard post to read. Our goal of this blog is to share both our grief and our hope with everyone, but this post will give a window glimpse into the crippling grief.
A couple of weeks ago, Kate (Zo's mommy) had a dream. She describes it in her own words here:
"So last night I had the most so-real dream ever. I have never had a dream feel so real until I woke up before. Although I cannot remember all of it. :( It took place in the hospital with Zo. In the same position we were with him, the only difference was he did not have all the tubes and things everywhere. As I sat next to him, all of a sudden he opened his eyes and looked at me. Then he started breathing on his own. At that moment I picked him up and just squeezed him crying. I couldnt believe that he was going to be ok. I felt so much happiness in my dream. Todd was not in the hospital room at the time so I called him yelling with excitement!! "Zo woke up!!!!!!" I wish I could remember more of my dream. But that part is so clear as glass in my head. I will never forget it. To wake up and realize wow that was a dream, was not even describable. It feels like the situation i am in now,should be the dream; bad dream. Wish I could wake up. But I know this pain will never go away. I do mean never. I know one day it will at least be manageable."
I can only imagine how horrible it was to wake up INTO the nightmare, not feeling the relief of waking up FROM a nightmare. But the more I got to thinking about it, I realized that our time on this earth - when we are suffering - is like the nightmare, and we do have the hope of one day "waking up" from it. The day when we face death ourselves, we will then "wake up" in Heaven - a place more glorious and wonderful that our minds or imaginations can possibly conceive. Not only will we be with all of our loved ones who have gone before us, but we will be eternally in God's presence. If we can but hold on to that hope, we can get through the hard times....
Skillet sings a great song I have always enjoyed called "Don't Wake Me." After Kate told me about her dream, I couldn't believe the similarities. And when I showed her this song, she said this is exactly how she felt upon waking. You can hear it and read the lyrics here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x0PMrV7derw